The Bob Sanders, Ryan Grant, Kris Jenkins “I’m Out For the Season” division:
32. New York Jets – Sorry NY. When your penalties almost outgain your offense, you suck.
31. Chicago Bears - Apology #2 Chicago. You are lucky to get a win over the Matt Safford-less Lions.
30. Cleveland Browns – You lost to the Tampa Buccaneers. Enough said.
29. Tampa Bay Bucs – You ALMOST lost to the Browns.
28. Dallas Cowboys – Oh how the mighty have fallen. Thanks for the laughs Tashard Choice.
27. San Francisco 49ers – There are more mysteries surrounding this team than an episode of LOST.
The ‘Time to Hit the Panic Button” division:
26. Washington Redskins – Yeah, you won, but thanks only to the retards in Dallas. Find an offense, please!
25. Minnesota Vikings – Until Sydney Rice returns, Brett Favre won’t be right
24. Buffalo Bills – Oh when, when will you find an offense worth watching? Maybe when CJ Spiller matures as a player.
The “Also-Ran’s division”:
23. Denver Broncos – Wow. You used Tim Tebow in week one AND you lost to Jacksonville. Oh times have changed.
22. Jacksonville Jaguars – Speaking of Jacksonville…is anyone still going to the games??
21. Oakland Raiders – They gave the Titans a game for about a half. Maybe they can put a whole game together this week.
20. St. Louis Rams – Sam Bradford is the real deal. The rest of the team really still needs how to learn to win games they should win.
19. Detroit Lions – We all know they should have won in Chicago. NFL rules state otherwise. Same old story.
18. Carolina Panthers – Really need to regroup. Might be in market for a QB.
17. Philadelphia Eagles – Wolf wolf!! Let the Michael Vick era start in Philly.
The “Pretenders” division:
16. Pittsburgh Steelers – Not bad for week one. A win is a win. Might want to think about scoring some more points though.
15. Atlanta Falcons – I think they are better than this, but they lost to Dennis Dixon and the Steelers…in OT
14. San Diego Chargers – How do you lose to the Kansas City Chiefs, a team you dominated last season?
13. Kansas City Chiefs – Don’t get used to first place, but a nice win on Monday night.
The “Wild-Card” division:
12. Arizona Cardinals – Still don’t know what to make of them. How far can Derek Anderson take them?
11. Cincinnati Bengals – You get a mulligan for being in New England. No such luck this week.
10. Miami Dolphins – Staved off a late Buffalo rally. Good test this week in Minnesota.
9. New York Giants – Early problems turn into good win over Carolina. Can they get a ‘W’ in Indy?
The “Almost Great” division:
8. Indianapolis Colts – Their defense is pitiful, but they most likely find a way to win this week and a lot more going forward.
7. Seattle Seahawks – Great win for a team not expected to do much. Is Matt Hasselbeck back?
6. Houston Texans – Have a legitimate shot at 2-0 in Washington this week. Good start to season by crushing Indy.
5. Tennessee Titans - Chris Johnson is a stud and maybe, just maybe Vince Young is learning to be a complete QB.
4. New Orleans Saints – 14 points won’t win you games every week.
3. Baltimore Ravens – Defense played well when needed. Got help from Jets. Offense needs to score more to win games.
2. Green Bay Packers – Loss of Ryan Grant hurts. They should still be fine.
1. New England Patriots – Welcome back Wes Welker. The Patriots offense doesn’t look like it has missed a step.
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