John Madden’s Day Off
By Scott Allen
In case you haven’t heard yet, NBC Football Analyst John Madden is taking his first week off in 28 years. He has made a couple of cross-country trips the past two weeks, so he wanted time to rest this week. Instead, in his place, we will be graced with the voice of Chris Collingsworth. Apparently he is rumored to be the heir apparent to Madden when he retires.
Now, the reason Madden gave was he wanted to spend time with his grandchildren and was tired. Sure, I’d buy that. The man is 72 years old. He just took his bus from Chicago to Jacksonville two weeks ago. Then he had to trek across country to San Diego. The thought of having to trek back across country to Tampa to watch what has turned out to probably be one of the less appealing games of the day, I’m sure had Madden asking, why am I doing this? Good question. I could probably think of several reasons why Madden didn’t want to watch this game. He also probably didn’t want to be caught saying something construed as being flippant or showing a lack of care about calling this game.
A. Seattle’s Seneca Wallace. Madden, if forced to call this game, might have said something like this: “Here’s a guy who hasn’t mattered since Iowa State and now he is Charlie Frye’s replacement. Wow”
B. Tampa’s Jeff Garcia. Madden: “You know there are those out there that think he might be gay. Now I don’t think he’s gay, but you know if you think he’s gay, he might be gay. Heck, I don’t know if he’s gay or not, but if you just look at the whole package, one could think that, but I just don’t think so.”
C. Tampa’s Jon Gruden: “This man is referred to as a guy called Chucky. I don’t get it, never saw Chucky. He looks more like a guy to me who just took a bite of Snickers bar and then he was told it was tainted with Al Davis’s blood.”
D. Seattle’s Julius Jones: “He said a couple of weeks ago he was being treated much better in Seattle than Dallas. Now there’s one guy who might try to steal Jessica Simpson away from Tony Romo.” Huh?
E. “Earnest Graham broke thru the hole there on the right side and BOOM he takes one hit, spins, hit’s a second guy and BOOM, hits his own guy, maintains his balance, and BOOM, he’s gone for a 75 yard touchdown.”
Oh, John Madden we will miss you this week. You might have been the only guy available to save us from Seattle-Tampa Bay. Instead, watch for Collingsworth to somehow spin a Michael Phelps reference in a time or two. To quote the great Keith Jackson, “Whoa Nellie!”
Enjoy watching the games!